Friday, December 12, 2008

You absolutely MUST give me this recipe!

A new cookbook arrived in my mail today. I ordered it after a friend sent me a link for it right around Thanksgiving. This new read is titled: Natural Harvest, A collection of semen-based recipes.

Oh yeah, you read that correctly ... semen-based.

Some of the tasty treats featured include, Irish Coffee with Extra Cream, Slightly Saltier Caviar, Tuna Sashimi with Homemade Dipping Sauce, and Cum Creme Carmel.

You may or may not be surprised to know that the author is a homosexual man with one of those fabulous middle-aged gay lisps, or lithsps (did I spell that right 55?).

He passes down quite a bit of jiz wizdom in this book, like how long semen can be left out, or refridgerated before use (1-2 hours and 2-3 days respectively for the inquiring minds).

My Review: Homeslice has a giant freak flag waving right next to that rainbow one!

Photenhaur has no formal culinary training, and although I know he is taking himself very seriously, the book is a total joke -- which is why I purchased it in the first place.

He's just trying to make money off of his particular fetish, and he isn't the first person to ever try that. He made 25 bucks off of me out of my sheer curiosity alone; I can only imagine who buys it to actually try out the recipes.

Because I am sick -- and a jerk, I want to make something he lists without the semen and then bring out the book as soon as my intended victim is done enjoying the dish [insert wicked laugh here].

Even just reading from it has been a most entertaining form of torture. The following excerpt is on one of the last pages and it ended up pushing my bf over the edge, as evidenced by a dry heave on his part that made me laugh so hard I could barely finish reading it out loud.

Chef's Note: Heat up a lightly oiledfrying pan/skillet. Remove from heat and ejaculate directly into the pan, return to heat and fry the semen without stirring. This will create a mini-omelette, or in some cases, many small omellete-drops. Salt and pepper to taste. This is the perfect introductory recipe for all newbie semen cookers.



shannon said...

Ok I wasn't even going to go there with this blog post, BUT, the mind starts you think he was banging his boy toy over the sink while the oil was heating up? Or does he just get sooo turned on by heating up the oil that he can't contain himself?? Or does he have someone donating the goods or is he eating himself?!!! WHY do I even care...thanks Daniella, this started out as an ordinary Monday...

55 said...

rock solid