Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Dude....Your Hair....

I absolutely love Mullets! I never tire of them. Just saw one yesterday (yep, and to verify it is 2008) and felt I needed to post a picture collage Ode to the Mullet. Let's get started!

The Baby/Kid Mullet: The most insidious form of child abuse. You feed them right, teach them manners and then go and deliberately set them up for failure with an awful haircut. Girl mullet pictured here is me. That explains a lot, right? Thanks Mom and Dad!

The Midget Mullet: I know, I know, "The Little Person Mullet". [If you think that sounds better, you need to get your funny bone checked, cuz that shit ain't funny.] How much can I say here without really looking like an asshole? Hmm..... Midget. Mullet. Rare, fabulous combo.

The She Mullets: Ladies, ladies, ladies. It's awful enough when the guys do it, but what in the hell were you thinking?! Thank you though -- sincerely and from the very bottom of my heart -- thank you!

So, it's true what they say about redheads....Ssss....Hot! Can't afford you huh? I bet I could spring for some chicken fry and Pabst's Blue Ribbon. Wouldn't be long after that I reckon I could have you face down butt in the air in your 5th wheel with my fingers running through that hot mess!

This is the Butch Mullet to the max right here folks. Crew top, full length in the back. Let's have a little respect here. It probably took her full Lesbianic career to get it that long. Kudos. Actually, she reminds me of the ladies lovin ladies who used to buy me Miller beer and shots of Jagermeister at the gay dive bar I used to sneak into before I was 21. Nice gals.

Sister soldier looks like she is sitting home alone [again] perfecting her profile shot for Mullet "I like long walks on the beach, tractor pulls, hair..."

Before I am awkwardly outed, let me just come clean: This mullet is me too. I wish it were a real one, but just like my boobs and PhD from Columbia -- paid for.

Man Mullets

This is the classic, sweet ass Man Mullet right here. All business in front, full party in back -- nice!
BF - I'm putting it out there right now, if I find this guy, you're out baby!

The Tourist Mullet: See the world, see this hair!

The Skullet: Gone fishing. Hey dude, while you are down there, can you look for some hair? This is technically not quite a Skullet yet, as one has to be sporting the full chrome dome. Earl is getting there though.

The Kid 'N Play Ethnic Mullet: Stuff like this just underscores the opinion that there is a lack of assimilation amongst our immigrant population in this country.

The Serial Killer Mullet: Nothing says "you are going to be my bitch and toss my salad (with grape jelly)!" like the I Will Kill You Mullet. Scary! Don't shank me!

What do you want me to say? Just soak it all in, really sit with it. If ever a picture spoke a thousand words...

And finally...

Safety In Numbers Mullets:

Aww...the family that mullets together, stays together. "Mom, when is Dad going to give up his lame-ass I-could-be-head-roadie-for-Bon-Jovi dream so we can live a normal life?"


shannon said...

OMG! You kill me, I'm glad I work in a closet with no one else around because they would think I'm seriously crazy right now because I'm laughing so hard!
I think I actually know the mullet family, they reside here in Gilroy...true story.

Freebird said...

I made the mistake of reading this at a training conference...the person next to me is thinking i'm having some sort of attack right now i'm still laughing so hard.

Daniella said...

Glad you liked it! Does anyone have a favorite mullet? And remember, if Midget Mullet is your fave, you need to refer to it as Little Person Mullet. thanks.

Daniella said...

Gilroy - the garlic capital may soon be eligible to add Mullet Capital too!