Sunday, December 14, 2008

The baby Jesus would have liked it!

Sleeping with people is always an interesting endeavor to me. Whether you are 10 years old at your first slumber party or hitting the hay with your spouse of 50 years, we all at one time or another probably figure out the delicate dance of co-hibernating.

Without getting too intimate about this intimacy, I slept with a dude last night. Literally. I have done it before in fact -- slept -- with BF. This time was different though. I woke at about 3:00 a.m. to find a pillow lodged on it's narrow, long side in between each of our own pillows. "WTF?!" crossed my mind as I propped myself on one elbow to look over the top of the new barrier BF had obviously put up after I had fallen asleep. There, on the other side was BF, lying on his back softly huffing through his mouth on each exhale. His hands were even curled over the top of the covers like he was getting ready to imitate a dog or some other little pawed creature. He looked so peaceful.

" cute" I thought as I tried to remember how long he had told me one time it takes a person to lose consciousness from suffocation. Why? Because I was staving of an overwhelming urge to clap the pillow between us right over his little unassuming sleepy face!

I know, I know. Maybe I am jumping to conclusions here. Perhaps he didn't mean to put the pillow there like that. -- he meant it.

Several hours later I open my eyes and see him looking back at me over the cotton filled fence he built, volunteering an explanation with no prompting. "I'm sorry, but your nostrils are like giant air movers. I couldn't take it -- too much air, so I put this up as a shield."

An "air shield" for protection from my supposed giant "air movers"........hmm.......the nerve of some people!

Then I got to thinking. It's December and many of us are getting ready to celebrate Christmas. Well, the dear sweet 8 lb, 6oz baby Jesus in golden fleece diapers would have loved me breathing on him all night! Remember the manger scene? Even the animals kept their air movers right on him so he could grow up big and strong and save us all from our sins or whatever.

I told BF this, and he was completely unimpressed and unconvinced. Dick.

If only I had been born BCE......I would be appreciated.

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