Um.....Aren't We Supposed To Be The Ones Thanking You?

The irony of this comes in second only to the giant smile on my face when we receive these certificates.

I was going to go into a big, drawn out diatribe about how hard our troops are working when serving in combat. I was getting ready to go on and on about how I am always amazed that they take the time to be so gracious when they are quite literally under fire......and so on and so on.......blah blah blah.

I have said it all before. Peeps are probably sick of listening to me.

It will just have to suffice to say that being able to reach out to our troops serving in harm's way has been a privilege and an honor.


So, thank you LTC Morehouse! We should really be the ones extending the gratitude, but boy do we love your acknowledgement!

Kindle Puts Out My Fire

When I visit Amazon.com, I have diligently ignored Kindle for months now. I don't want to have anything to do with it. No thank you. Just here for a real book. My psyche does better when I pretend that this electronic madness is not in existence. I don't even allow myself to show the anger and disappointment I feel when I am shopping on Amazon and it punks me by throwing up a super low price for a book, and then I find out it is the damn Kindle downloading fee. Just stay out of my literary path Kindle. I am not your type.

But Kindle won't stand for it -- hence Kindle II came out this week. What-everrrr! All of your supposed techy fabulousness is still lost on me Kindle. I'm looking the other way.

Don't get me wrong -- I am not a complete anti-techite. I went along with the cell phone thing. My little Toyota Corolla had to break down in one of the worst areas of downtown San Jose at 1 a.m. for me to get one, but I got on board eventually. I obviously do the computer thing too. I even learned a little web code magic last year -- so there! I have surprised myself with the mastery of other technological advances as well, but I don't mess with books; I don't want Kindle to mess with them either.

Kindle is trying to rob me -- us really -- of all the pleasure that comes with a book. It's 1500 selection storage capability would rob the gems on my bookshelves of new neighbors. The instant downloading makes anticipation a thing of the past - ewww! The disembodied robot voice it uses to read to you if you so desire, is going to drown out the ones I already hear. And if I wanted that, I would take the meds my doctor is always recommending.

I simply want a book! I want to bend back the binding of a new read, and dig in. I want to turn back pages for a reread on little bits I can't get enough of, or possibly read over too quickly the first time. And once in a while.....I want to skip ahead to the end and allow myself the dangerous indulgence of skimming a sentence or two off of the last page. It's my right! It's my book!


Books are my favorite form of nostalgia. Sometimes I just gaze at what sits on my shelves and my thoughts will drift to memories of each read. Sometimes I share my books. I have been given books from other people's collections and I treasure that added dimension of what they offer me.

As the great Jon Stewart once said, "books are comfortably low tech" and I love them for that. So suck it Kindle and you can pass that along to Kindle II as well! Thank you.

Outside

"Eat that out on the porch please" came the curt voice from the kitchen. Why always outside? the little girl thought as the screen door slipped from her small hand and softly latched shut behind her.

The thin tendril of steam from her lunch, a thin burger patty with little McDonald's sized minced onions fried into the meat, was actually making her hungry for a change.

Until recently, her appetite had been a thing of the past. When her mother died in the Spring, the stone of the child's grief lodged itself in her throat, and she refused almost everything that arrived on a plate.

Before that, it was constant nausea. As her mother's death drew closer, the fear of getting sick forced a tube of Rolaids into the seven year old's hand. She had only broken down and eaten two so far, but she didn't go anywhere without them.

Now Summer was leaching into Fall, as the girl found a shady spot on her aunt's wrap-around porch bench, overlooking one of the horse pastures.

A black mare wandered to the corner near where she sat, and her tail made a soft swish -- like a switch moving through the air, as she warded off flies. The girl loved to hear horses chew. There was just something about the hollow, soft sound of their slow, methodical mooshing that she found soothing.

The screen door closing broke her attention from the horse. "You actually ate something" her aunt flatly commented as she looked at her on the bench. "Yes", she nodded as she looked down at her plate, only then fully realizing that it was empty. The woman took the plate from her lap and walked back into the house, leaving her alone again outside.

Outside.

The girl didn't know it then, but just like the stone, Outside was a piece of her now.

Happy V Day!

Don't get me wrong, I am no hater of the great Saint Valentine -- I just think this is too funny not to post!

25 (More) Randumb Things About Me -- The Facebook Version

I cleaned up my craziness a bit so that I don't lose all of my FB friends. Oh wait, no I didn't.....








1. I dated my brother for a while, but it didn't work out. We just wanted different things.

2. I am left handed.

3. I heart books. The way certain authors put words together is just so delicious, and then these little literary tidbits will nestle in my head for years.

4. I was held back in Kindergarten and got many NI's (needs improvement) in cutting and pasting. I still suck at cutting, but I can paste like a Nin-ja!

5. When I see super fat people I almost immediately wonder how much they sweat and how pungent their genital/bum region is as a result of being so well "insulated".

6. My long term goal is to escape to Sicily and live out my Golden Years with a hot houseboy that I sexually harass on a daily basis.

7. I am a college graduate -- beauty college -- yeah, good times.

8. Even though I am an animal lover, I am often completely frustrated by our country's habitual overspending on animals [think Petco, Petsmart, and the ASPCA's $30 mil new facility in San Francisco]. Is all of that really necessary in order for you to take proper care of an animal? Really?

9. I have a crush on Christopher Walken, and would run away with him if he ever came for me.

10. I think tutelage, accoutrement, and turd are completely underused gems of our language.

11. I struggle on a daily basis to not take it all personal.

12. All religious stuff aside, I love Christian iconography...hence the Last Supper in one of my bathrooms and the crosses around my house.

13. In my young adulthood, I was fortunate to have a several people not hold Me against me. They collectively were the best thing that could have happened to me during that time. [insert grateful sigh here.]

14. I still make crank phone calls. Quick shout-out apology to Curtis: Melissa from Mountain Charley's was me, soooo that whole "I missed my period, you better call me!" thing was a false alarm........funny though, right?

15. If I don't pee right before I get into bed, I can't fall asleep.

16. I believe donuts, mayonnaise, lemons, cheese and wine are all ways that a higher power shows love for me.

17. I hate when people tell me that I am loud, because it reminds me that I do not hear well.

18. If I have done something to help someone, or make them smile, then I consider that day a productive one.

19. If I could get in the flux capacitor (sp) and go back in time, I would like to meet Jesus (I want to ask him for some tips on how to wear my hair long, properly and how to be more popular) Beethoven, (Just let me sneak in the back of the hall and hear the last movement of the ninth or the first two of the fifth -- I'm not greedy) my mother (I just think it is thoroughly assy to live inside someone for nine months and then not even really get a chance to get to know them or say thank you.)

20. I love when people remember a story I have told them, and ask me to tell it again.

21. I wish that I felt confident in a career field, so that I would be motivated to pursue it with abandon.

22. I am a total hypochondriac and have diagnosed myself with multiple maladies including, Tourettes, MS, wrist cancer, brain aneurysm (multiple), Schizophrenia, and Rickets.

23. I am easily overwhelmed by the amount of discipline it takes for me not to be an asshole.

24. I named my dog Ruth after my cousin. In hindsight, this decision was one of my earliest adult examples of misguided, slightly distorted acts of love..........but love nonetheless people!

25. I have a horrible habit of etching every little awkward thing I have done into my brain, so that I can relive the moment over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over......

[Insert big, fat, awkward transition here.]

Without A Witness, We Just Disappear

I read quite a few books written by our service members. I do it in an attempt to try and gain real perspective. After all, if you are the one getting shot at, and going without running water and warm food rations for days, then you are also probably the best person to speak on it. I don't care what the news networks have to say.

One of the first books I ever read was a compilation of works titled "Operation Homecoming". Among them is Lt. Col Michael Strobl's account of the journey to Wyoming to bring LCpl. Chance Phelps back home. Phelps had been killed outside of Baghdad, and the DOD report caught Strobl's attention, when he read that they shared the same home town. The Colonel volunteered to take this Marine back to his family. In fact, every branch of the military sends a uniformed escort with their fallen. That is how it works -- when one falls, another carries him.

Commercial planes are often utilized for this job, and unlike this group of passengers, you might not even know if you had shared a flight with one of these fallen Americans.

That is going to fuck up the taste of those little, free crackers for sure.

Most of us get up every day and never even know that this is even going on. We all hear little snippets about this attack and that Taliban strike, but how many of us really see this? The war isn't here. Starbucks is. The death isn't here. That 24 hour sale is.

Without a witness, we just disappear.

If a tree falls in the forest...

It takes some effort and courage to bear witness. You are committed. Where is this journey going to take me? What if it is painful? What if it doesn't have a happy ending? Am I going to have to be uncomfortable?

Without a witness, we just disappear.

I want this country to step up and commit to being a witness for our troops. I am not talking about tax dollars or the collective, "I feel bad for them." this nation sighs every time a news story about the war hits the networks. Go find out! Reaching out within your own community is all it takes.

Our service members are already fighting this war on their own, they shouldn't have to do it while we shield ourselves from their truth.




Number of Operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom Casualties as of 06 February 2009: 4863

Without a witness, we just disappear.

HBO has made a film about the story of "Taking Chance". It will air on Feb 21st. It has also been picked up by the Sundance Film Festival.

You can read "Taking Chance" @ http://www.chancephelps.org/?page_id=126

[Insert big, fat, awkward transition here.]

Who Says Rape Isn't Funny?!

I don't consider myself to be particularly newsy, but in the face of all of the New Year humping, I am forced to report on these two.

A FEISTY raccoon has bitten off a pervert’s PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.

“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

“He’s been told they can get things working again but they can’t sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal. “That’s gone forever so there isn’t going to be much for them to work with."

You really don't need me for this one, do you? Just sit with it.

And then we have Mr. Asia 2009 who dangled his dingle into the hole of a park bench, actually got turned on by dangling his dingle into said park bench hole, and got stuck. Good times.

Last night in Hong Kong, the police received a disturbing call from a man in trouble.

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him. When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital. 4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.

Oh boy, oh boy! We are off to such a good start this year with the crazies. I can't wait to see what other stupid shit people think of to do.

25 Random Things

This survey is everywhere lately, and as a huge fan of both trends and peer pressure, I have decided to do one.

Please familiarize yourself with the rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

I am not tagging anybody though [primarily out of my shame-filled, painful tag memories of standing all alone on the edge of the schoolyard during recess waiting for someone to notice I hadn't been tagged...sniff, sniff].

1. I am left handed.

2. I love books. The way certain people put words together is just amazing and these little literary tidbits will nestle in my head for years.

3. Sometimes as I am falling asleep, I remember something I am going to get to eat the next day, and I get very happy.......drift off with a big smile on my face, I'm sure.

4. When I see super fat people I almost immediately wonder how much they sweat and how pungent their genital/bum region is as a result of being so well "insulated".

5. My long term goal is to escape to Sicily and live out my Golden Years with a hot houseboy that I sexually harass on a daily basis -- and he loves it!

6. I am a college graduate -- beauty college -- yeah, good times.

7. Even though I am an animal lover, I am often enraged by our country's habitual overspending on animals [think Petco, Petsmart, and the ASPCA's $30 mil new facility in San Francisco]. Is all of that really necessary in order for you to take proper care of an animal? Really?

8. I have a crush on Christopher Walken, and would run away with him if he ever came for me.

[This survey is a little more difficult than I suspected, and I am fighting the urge to only add things I think are amusing or entertaining.]

9. In my mid-twenties, I was the only person I knew holding the Death/Near Death Trifecta with a father who had been in a 7 week coma when I was 4, a deceased mother by 7, and a husband who had passed away by the time I was 26.

[Now that wasn't funny - aforementioned urge thoroughly staved]

10. I struggle on a daily basis to not take it personal.

11. All religious stuff aside, I love Christian iconography...hence the Last Supper in one of my bathrooms and the crosses around the house.

12. I get very happy browsing Italian stores. Lupini, Calamari, Marscapone, San Marzano region tomatoes, Cannoli, and Ricotta -- I heart you big time!

13. I still make crank phone calls. Quick shout-out apology to Curtis: Melissa from Mountain Charley's was me, soooo that whole "I missed my period, you better call me!" thing was a false alarm........funny though, right?

14. If I don't pee right before I get into bed, I can't fall asleep.

15. Being a true believer of Alexander Hamilton's theory that "the masses are asses", I do not really care for crowds or population density in general.

16. I believe donuts, mayonnaise, lemons, cheese and wine are all ways that a higher power shows love for me.

17. I hate when people tell me that I am loud, because it reminds me that I do not hear well.

18. If I have done something to help someone, or make them smile, then I consider that day a productive one.

19. One time in preschool this little jerk peed on me in the bathroom, so I bit my arm and told the teacher it was him. He got in big trouble -- take that you little terrorist!

20. I love when I tell a good story and people remember it and ask me to tell it again.

[I feel like the loaves and fishes miracle is taking place with these g.d. numbers! When are we going to get to 25 already?!]

21. I wish that I felt confident in a career field, so that I would be motivated to pursue it with abandon.

22. I secretly believe that I should have focused on more gym time in my 20s and subsequently would have had a better shot at becoming someone's trophy wife. As a career, that would have freed me up to found and run all of the organizations I have thought up. Damnit!

23. I am easily overwhelmed by the amount of discipline it takes for me not to be an asshole.

24. I think some struggling and suffering in this life is the only path to gaining a little depth.

25. I have a horrible habit of etching every little awkward thing I have done into my brain, so that I can relive the moment over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over......

As soon as I post this, I am going to think of 25 "better" things I could have put on here.