Did You See The Size Of That Yule Log?!

This was originally posted last December, but you should read it because it was the last time I was funny. Take a look back and have a joyous Noelle!

There are so many reasons I love this photo, that I am going to have to make a little list here to cover them all.

1. Okay, let's start at the start: Flashing is just classic! Kudos to all who can go out there and get bare. You really can't go wrong. Any reaction is going to be the right one. Mission Accomplished. Every time. We salute you.

2. Check out Mom on the right. Awesome Reflexes. Looks like she just did an insta-swoop move to not only lean the child away from said yule log, [think Robin Williams stand up here when he is impersonating Adam cautioning Eve on the occasion of the first erection, "Stand back, we don't know how big this thing is going to get!"] but she also got those eyes covered damn quick too. I have heard of ovarian acts of heroism from mothers, but this one is stellar. Good job Mom! No therapy necessary in the future for little Billy on that one. Whew!

3. Now let's move to the left. These two make me both sad and furious at the same time. Shame be upon them for their reaction to this special moment. Seriously, what the hell party people?! Two adults. One flasher. This guy just gave you the gift of spontaneity and you are blowing it [Poor choice of words perhaps; let's not blow anything.] And finally, let me just dust off my feminist hat here and slap it on...Homeslice is not actually covering her eyes for her is he?! Oh no he deh-ent! That's a bunch of crap. Let me underscore my point with a quote from the great Pretty Woman, "I say who, I say when, I say who!" Get your damn hands off her eyes! Street berries and dangle should always be in the safe viewing zone. Relax buddy, it ain't like she paid for it.

4. Center stage is that kid on the bike who looks like he is late for an audition of A Christmas Carol with that red hair, hat, and wreath or whatever slung over his shoulder. He is going to have a great story to tell the Greater Metro Gay Men's Choir when he gets there!

I am going to start praying to Santa today that this season be as blessed as this for me and all those I love.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Xerox Is Doing The Heavy Thanks Lifting For You

Xerox is extending this awesome way for all of us to thank the troops again this holiday season! Simply pick out a card, add a greeting, and they do the rest by printing your card and sending it to a deployed service member. How coolio is that?! And is there any better time to reach out than the eve of our national day of Thanks? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

As I sit here musing about how many people across our great land yack every Turkey Day from not pushing away from the dinner plate soon enough, I want to take this opportunity to wish you all a very happy and safe Thanksgiving!

I'll let you go now, so you can hop on the Xerox site and thank a brave Soldier serving over this holiday season.

11/11

It's Veteran's Day -- "happy" doesn't sound quite right to put with those words. I think these are much better:

“It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, who salutes the flag, who serves beneath the flag, and whose coffin is draped by the flag, who allows the protester to burn the flag.”
~ Rev. Denis Edward O’Brien from the US Marine Corps

Thank you to all of the brave men and women, past and present, who have answered the call and served our nation.

Happy V Day!

Don't get me wrong, I am no hater of the great Saint Valentine -- I just think this is too funny not to post!

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

My humble gift to cyberspace on this blessed day...




And Freebird, I am calling you out! If you are half the Ohio State fan you claim to be, you will unearth your Santa visit pic from that mall trip and share it with the world. Mr. I-Got-To-Sit-On-His-Lap-And-You-Didn't! -- jerk.

Happy Hannukah II -- Electric Bugaloo

FOUND IT! An excerpt of it anyway.

Reverse Costanza - Backfired!

Do you remember the Human Fund Episode of Seinfeld, where George creates the fund and then gives "in honor of" donation cards to his coworkers for the holidays? He explains further, "I think I could be a philanthropist. A kick ass philanthropist! I would have all this money and people would love me. Then they would come to me and beg! And if I felt like it, I would help them out and then they would owe me big time! The first thing I'm going to need is a driver."

[Author's note: I started a nonprofit for this exact reason myself. The begging packs a powerful ego headrush, second only to the celebrity caliber popularity. I still need the driver though. If you are interested in this position, please email your resume to the address listed on this blog. Thank you.]

Anyway, I decided to try sort of a reverse version of The Human Fund for Christmas this year. Here is the email I sent out:

I truly appreciate how generous you are with me on holidays, however, in the spirit of true giving and paying it forward, etc., I am asking that people make a donation to one of the charities below in lieu of buying me gifts.

Of course, if this does not work for you no worries! I don't need to know what you decide. Just an idea.... : )

Happy Holidays,
Daniella

http://womenofhopeproject.org/home/

http://www.hfa.org/about/index.html

http://www.leobuscaglia.org/index.html

http://www.kiva.org/app.php

http://www.operationiraqichildren.org/

Now don't get me wrong, I am no Mother Theresa. I am a typical greedy, sweeping, bloated consumerist American, who makes a good sized asshole footprint on this planet. I just honestly couldn't think of anything I wanted this year.

I sent that email out last week, and so far I am going to have to chalk this little holiday experiment up to a big fat, backfire. The few responses I have gotten are peeps thinking I am requesting this out of a desire to not gift to them. Unlike George, I wasn't looking for the ole, oh-no-I/we-have-to-get-you-a-gift-but-I/we-don't-want-anything-this-year response. Damnit!

So, fuck it -- revisions to my Christmas wishlist are as follows:

• New car -- Anything but a Prius. If you get me a Prius, I will stab you in the neck
• Fur coat -- Winter PETA protests are brutal without a cozy animal to wrap up in
• Pony -- Just would be nice - an actual mini horse would be nicer
• Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force -- I will take the guy who does his voice if you can't bring Carl to life in an easy bake oven or Weird Science sort of way.
• Donuts -- enough said
• A younger sib -- because the gift of a person it is legal to beat the crap out of is priceless - ask my brother
  
• Cash -- because it's king baby! And of course I will need it to start my Save the Orphans and Whales slush fund

Happy Holidays! And you better get to steppin - you've got a shopping list to tackle!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What can I say? .....We aren't all in to turkey -- too dry. Now puppy...that's different. Mmm, mmm moist!

Happy Halloweeny!

Look at these two nerdbuckets.......HAPPY HALLOWEEEEEN!!