Or maybe you just got done taking a real satisfying sit. It's been one of those days, and you really feel like you have to take a sit. Your pants fit better after that last si....alright, maybe I am taking it a bit too far, but you get my drift.
I have wanted to try a regular meditation practice for a long time now, but apparently the road to anti-zen is paved with good intentions, because I never got around to it. Then a couple of weeks ago Anne and I were discussing a group she meditates with once a week. She enjoys it and on the days in between their meetings they are broken into texting groups where you text someone to tell them you did your daily meditation. If you miss more than one day in a week, you get booted out of the group. Tossed from the herd. Ostracized to a prison colony.
My heart sang at the potential for social humiliation, so I got Anne to initiate me into her group.
I try to concentrate on my breath. I try to become aware of my whole body. I do my best to allow my thoughts to pass through without judgment. All the good shit.
So here are a few of the things that went through my head while I was supposed to be using my third eye to Zen it up:
"I'm not doing this right."
"Another day and I am still not doing this right."
"That donut upside down cake on Serious Eats looks absolutely fabuloso."
"I'm not doing this right."
"My hands are cold."
"I hope I moved enough of the dirt they didn't repack enough in the yard to keep it from flooding with all these storms that are coming."
"When is the alarm going to go off - it's been three hours already."
"What's up pain in my knee - ow!"
"I want to move my desk"
"I was with so-and-so when I bought that desk -- ewww!"
"I want wall to wall built-in bookcases."
"There's no way I am doing this right."
"I wish I had a long hallway where my two big bookcases could go at the end."
"What should I have for dinner?"
"Why do I still feel like my stomach is trying to digest rocks?"
"Alarm is broken. I swear I am going to open my eyes."
Doesn't look like I got anything close to mediation done, right?
"The monkey mind jumps from thought to thought like a monkey jumps from tree to tree. Rather than existing in the present moment, the monkey mind focuses on one thought after another, and these thoughts distract us from existing in the present, which is one of the goals of yoga."
I will be at it again tomorrow.
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